Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
