she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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