woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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