pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
