Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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