I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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