Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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