i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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