She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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