HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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