Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
