I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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