There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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