I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
