remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We need to rekindle our bromance
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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