Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
