how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Too much gin, very little bucket
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
