Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
