I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
