I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
