Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
either way he was missing a nipple.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Drake has all the answers
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
