Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had to cum in my sink.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize