I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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