Cold hands, warm shart.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
