i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So many bounce houses so little time
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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