Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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