margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
