I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
