I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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