Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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