Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
