he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
