Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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