It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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