...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize