im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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