3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
