you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
