somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Panties = found
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
