I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
