Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
