I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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