thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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