When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
