so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We need to get me chipped asap
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
