I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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