She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
