maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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