I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
