I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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