Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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