so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
