I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
