Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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