the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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