I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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