I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
