which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize