by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
