If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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