Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize