We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
