Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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