this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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