Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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