if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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