There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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