you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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