this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
