He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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