Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
