it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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