I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
