The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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