did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
