So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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