2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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