I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
