I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
