How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
