he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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