Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize